Thoughts During a Work Day

10:08am - sometimes I hate Old People. Don't get me wrong! I love my mommom and sometimes Old People are cute. But when the senile are allowed to use a phone and have the Box Office number it makes me sad. Mostly annoyed.

10:18am - when will subcribers learn that the rules DO apply to them?!?! Rules are rules. I don't care if you're not feeling well, you should have called us yesterday if you wanted to exchange your tickets!

10:23am - who REALLY needs to consult a seating map for the most trivial details? And why do they always get it wrong? And why do they think they know better? And then end up going with what I recommend anyway?!? I almost never lie. I mean, I do A LITTLE. I tell them only what I think they deserve sometimes. A real asshole doesn't need to know that there are 2 together in row G. All I'll have available for them is row N. Which isn't so bad anyway! Plus, if you give them too much choice, they freeze up and don't know what to do! They'll only call back! AND WHO WANTS THAT?!

10:44am - 11:33am - I never seem to be satisfied. Whether someone is too perky, or too dull. Too buttery-uppy, or too mumbly. They're all "TOO."

11:33am - I REALLY want a job at the Folger.

11:51am - why does no one read the information online? "What is this show about?" "Where are those seats?" "When does this show run?" "What are you near?" "What are the reviews like?" "What else is running in town?" They even say "I'm on your website." Why the hell they're not just fucking READING like they were taught to do in GRADE SCHOOL is beyond me. And honestly, I'm not just some Theatre Information Widget! I work for THIS box office from 10-6 M-F (unfortunately) and cannot tell you schedule for Folger, or Studio, or anything else! So why did you call?

11:55am - I realize I am being a bit mean. A little too angry. I hate this job.

12:14pm - Lunch. Would be. Great.

1:16pm - took an overlong lunch without meaning to. Whoops. :-D

2:25pm - my throat hurts. Zac's being mean. He threw a fortune cookie at me (again) and flipped me off for being a smart-ass because he's a smart-ass. Ugh. Should I buy Girl Scout Cookies from someone doing massive sales for her daughter here (which would be delivered, and very easily paid for) or hit up the Giant parking lot on Saturday morning.

2:32pm - working here has FINALLY paid off! Comps to Reduced Shakespeare Company for me and Andrew next Thursday without having to usher! YAY! Now if only this job didn't suck.

2:48pm - has no one heard of Google Maps search?

2:53pm - Lady, if you freaking want the tickets and want me to hold, freaking GO ASK YOUR HUSBAND and don't TELL me about how badly you want to see the new theatre and ask me if I'm rushed!!! Dayum!

3:06pm - LISTEN THE FUCK TO ME BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH GODDAMNIT I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!

3:15pm - I am not good at this job. I am so angry, so bitter, I just can't stand ANYONE I have to talk to. This can't be healthy. Mentally or professionally. Shubgilavnkas;ks;aaaaaa.

3:49pm - I'm trying to work on my Moving Charts AND work at the same time. It's not helping my temperment. This guy just asked me 6 times if I had a good seat. On an aisle. Is that a good seat? And it's on the aisle right? Any better seats on Thursday? Is that a good seat? And it's on the aisle, right? And that's the best seat? And it's on the aisle right?

3:52pm - Erica's going through the same thing: people just don't listen to us. They just don't.

I am reminded of the woman who told me to "tell Michael Kahn that I hate seeing Shakespeare being updated. He doesn't need help, you know." And paused as if she were educating me, or allowing me time to agree with her. I left enough room for my thoughts to pass through my head unsaid, possibly saving my ass for that day:

Lady, having been a theatre professional, actor, director, educator and, yes, a Shakespeare scholar to a certain extent for most of my life; I find what you just said ignorant beyond reason. Shakespeare's TEXT does not need help, certainly. We won't go re-writing what he's said.

But how creative is it to slap on a pair of tights and do every play exactly as it was written every time? Are you even aware that SHAKESPEARE'S PRODUCTIONS were basically modernizing classics? Histories? Costumes weren't so elaborately funded as we have now, they were all performed in their own modern clothes: yes, Julius Caesar in codpieces and doublets. Chew on that!

And how interested would future generations of theatre-goers be if the plays were performed the same way every single effing time?! If there were no concept beyond THIS IS ELIZABETHAN ENGLAND, how interested would they be in even being introduced to the texts? They wouldn't. And it would die.

The texts are a wonder of modern literature, and one of the main reasons they have lasted this long is BECAUSE they lend themselves to being updated, rethought, re-concieved for fresh audiences.

Now, just because you, lady, are a simpering mule-face who only knows what she cares about or thinks, please attend: YOU ARE AN IDIOT. Go buy yourself a book of Shakespeare's most colorful insults and say them aloud to a mirror. Thanks.

4:09pm - Andrew and I just signed a document expressing our intent to move into Twin Towers. I was supposed to be writing a letter to Summit Hills while I composed the above tirade.

4:29pm - "The best seats you have are in Row M? Then please transfer me to Development, they usually open seats up for us [because we're more important than anyone else.]" I hate people with money.

4:52pm - Amy brings up a good point: Onlinen sales are there for a reason. Why call us to get you those seats that you HAVE the power to get for yourself! In fact, you're taking time and the ability away from us by not just picking ONE method. If you are holding tickets online, THEY CANNOT BE GRABBED BY US! We don't have powers like that! Just fucking login and complete the order without bothering us FOR ONCE! Thanks - The Box Office Staff. Including Austin.

5:22pm - Brendan just offered to drive from my apartment to Clark Street so we have a ride home tonight. Should he? Hmmm...

5:23pm - No. He shouldn't.

5:31pm - Full Circle: Old People are just plain annoying. They never listen properly. And they never understand what words you're using.

5:40pm - same goes for Young People. Really, there's no one out there with the ability to pay attention.

5:58pm - LEAVING!!! Hope this was enlightening.