Getting Past the Let-down

So I missed out on two awesome jobs. And I probably shouldn't have. I mean, Folger might have been in the bag for that other person, and I shouldn't have hung all of my hopes on it JUST IN CASE. I should have applied myself to Round House like Andrew suggested. When they didn't call to tell me how it was going, I didn't call them to say 'hey wassup?' And maybe I should have.

That's past.

Sent an application to Woolly today for Development. Let's see what happens.

YOU SHUT YOUR FACE, SONIA

Tom advised me to look into being a Personal Assistant. Andrew advised me to look into education. I'm advising me to check all available job postings and see what I want to do.

Because this whole thing made me REALLY think about my "CAREER." I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, you know? I LOVE acting so so so much, but I can't make that my "career." I like having time to myself, and knowing where my income is coming from, and not playing that stupid game of "suck up." But it's definitely more than a "hobby." If I wasn't always doing something in theatre artistically, I know that I would shrivel up and die. I need the sweet ambrosia of being a working artist. It's just not lucrative enough for me to base my livlihood on it.

So what do I want to be? Where do I want to go for my day persona? Andrew's right: I loved being in Education. Teaching (theatre) was one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done. Yeah, it's exhausting, and yeah, they can be monsters, and Yeah, if I went the narrow route of public schools the administration would tear me to pieces. But kids, man. Kids are awesome.

And there's another thing: someday I do want to have kids. Little hobbitts of my own to mentally abuse (I'm just kidding, please!). Still haven't quite worked out how I would continue to be a working theatre professional AND have a job AND have kids... but that's later.

So I really don't know right now. This is something I probably should have REALLY thought about sooner, but you know what? I didn't. So now I am.

Anyway, have you ever played a character that you wish you were like?

In Red Noses I'm playing Boutros, the one-legged dancer. I haven't had a sit-down with Jay and John yet, but I've decided that my life basically sucks. But in my scenes I'm always smiling, and I can feel my eyes getting wider and happier. I'm a one-legged dancer for chrissake and I'm happy! At the end of Act 1, I'm hobbling all the way across the stage to go spread the Red Nosey Mantra, and even though it hurts to hobble, I'm grinning from ear to ear.

I wish I was more like my Boutros. SHIT HAPPENS, but "When you're smiling, the whole world smiles with you..." (I took a lot of my character choices from that being the song Peter Barnes chose to introduce me with).

So I'm trying to smile and greet that shit with a grin.