Dear Samuel French

On Tuesday I found out about my audition for a theatre company I like and want to work for: AND I CAN ONLY BE CONSIDERED FOR ONE SHOW (because of my schedule).

After doing the research, Samuel French, I find that this show only has 2 Women.

After some more research and some dead effing ends, I have to turn to you, Samuel French, for the script.

To give myself time to prepare (since the audition is ONE WEEK from the time I'm contacted), I pay the extra $6 for 2-day shipping.

I get a confirmation email - HOORAY, Samuel French, HOORAY!!

It's Thursday - my script is not here and my show was cancelled again so I'd have a whole night to work on it. Oh well, shit happens, Samuel French. Maybe you couldn't process it until Wednesday even though I ordered it before your specified 3PM EST business hour bullshit jargon.

It's Friday - your office is closed, Samuel French, and I STILL DON'T HAVE MY SCRIPT. Why did I SPECIFY 2-day shipping if I wanted to wait a week?!? I don't HAVE a week, Samuel French. I have LESS than a week, and paid MORE so it would get to me with enough time to READ it and WORK with it so that I can actually do my BEST at my FIRST audition for this company!!!

I've left a message on your Customer Service/Order person's voicemail box, Ross. I've pointed out in this voicemail (after what has been, admittedly, a long week) why I am just the bittest upset with you right now. I hope we can still be friends.

If my script is not in my hands tomorrow night - you and I will have words on Monday when you ARE open, Samuel French, and those words will end with "I'm sorry, we will refund your shipping money [even though we say we never do that for any reason], and ship your script overnight for free!!!"

But it will be too late, Samuel French, because even if you ship it overnight on Monday (before the 3pm EST bullshit jargon), I won't have it until Tuesday night - after my audition, which I won't have been able to prepare for.

$6 might be a pithy sum to you, Samuel French, but we (and I) are in a recession right now. I would think you understood that anyone working in THEATRE right now, isn't exactly rolling in cash. In fact, Samuel French, I'm pretty strapped, so for me to sit down and consciously CHOOSE to pay MORE money for faster results that I am, in the end, denied, Samuel French, makes me pretty effing angry.

I do hope you understand, Samuel French. I look forward to talking to you in person.

EDIT (MONDAY): Called just now. Apparently the script is backordered, and says so on the Invoice I receieved on Saturday (yeah, the Invoice, not the Script). It was not listed online OR in the confirmation email. Ross (or someone who works under him) apologized for that, and cancelled my order. I have not lost $16. HOORAY, Samuel French, HOORAY! I mean, you still suck a bit because I'm going in cold tomorrow, but at least I have my money!