Last month it was an email on my cell phone from a ridiculous superior, this year it was a conversation about which Theatres to work for.
At this time last year I was all weepy and inspirational and GUNG HO about pursuing this acting thing. I'm still moving forward on that momentum but I have to look at the past year and ask what all that get-go got me. PRO - I was in a show with a company I hadn't worked with before, and at least I had a good time when all was said and done. CON - that company is now on hiatus, and I didn't get to know the Artistic Director who will be in charge when they come back. PRO - I got to be in MYTHapp with Rorschach this summer, even though I was committed to Longacre lea (big pro!). CON - no offense, but our entry wasn't exactly the highlight. Not that it should have been but I seem to have the power to be in the ones no one is particularly excited about.
And that's it. I'm heading into this new theatre season with the possibility of auditioning for some people, and the missed opportunities of others, and just about nothing left for the year besides those chances.
I'm still all get-up-and-go about the auditions, but I'm very very worried. I am on a time limit as an actor because in about 10 years I want to take a trip around Europe then pop out some hobbits (not at the same time). in 8-10 years if I am not estabilished as someone people like, know, and want to work with - what have I achieved with my acting career? Once the hobbits are old enough, I'd want to come back to acting, but what will I be coming back to? Community theatre productions as Lady Montague? Auditioning from scratch? What will my resume say that would convince people to hire me? What will I be proud of?
Sigh - and this always seems to happen in front of Michael Glenn (luckily for me), who pointed out that Kathleen loves me (I am the only recurring LL character in the past few years besides her boys) and, if nothing else, he appreciates me being around. Though Glenn pointed out that my opinion was asked for and respected throughout the process, so maybe I'm just not seeing it. And I look back on the summer and I see that maybe I don't make a huge difference to the production, but at least the people care about me and I for them. And that's what I love best about Theater is that you get the chance to form a family - and no other experience has been that to me yet.
Now, it is both better and worse if they are a family, because then how do you say goodbye when it's over? The end of Radio Golf was wrenching for D because it was a family experience. Gut, Heart and Mind wrenching.
So - I'm going to try to stop freaking out and enjoy myself. There are good companies to try to work for, I've got that sorted out, and I have to stop being so timid. If I want to get hired, I have to be bold.
Oh, come see the show, we start this week and go until Sept 13th. Wed-Sat at 7:30, Sun at 2:00.
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